I met Alex & Allyson Grey last weekend. At first I was super excited, I thought they would live paint & actually converse with me as I am a fellow artist, but they treated me as any other scumbag fan. They were pushy & snappy. When I tried to tell them of some of my drawings they had a detached “interest”. Alex praised me on my henna, but he was still very detached. The entire time they were just trying to sell me their funding for their temple. It just felt like they were consumed by fame & it was very sad to me. I wanted to connect with some of my inspirations, but I was disappointed. Maybe I was thinking about it to much, maybe it was the fact that Cervantes was switching to its club scene & I was getting bad vibes from that, but they were bad vibes. I am still sad about it. I hope they haven’t become scumbag stars…
I wonder if he knows how much power he has.
Other guys wish they could hold me, but they all get the pass.
My heart is his, but only if he wants this.
My head is spinning, of course, but this isn’t something I want to force.
I want him to be free, but oh, how I wish he would show me what he sees.
In return he’d have my full devotion, as deep as the ocean.
We could live on the moon while he’d play me his sweet tunes.
I wonder if he knows how much love is his when it snows.
Today I ran into him at the gas station. It really helped me let go of the situation.
The light I once saw in his eyes when he would look at me was gone, what replaced it was boring enough to make me yawn.
It took almost 2 years & that’s okay, because now I’m strong enough to make it through the day.
The lessons I learned will teach me forever, but the tie between us has finally been severed.
I’m finally free from the chains of uncertainty, I’m finally free to embrace what’s best for me.
I won’t attach myself to anyone, I still have places I need to go alone.
I still have dreaming, seeing, & feeling left to be done on my own.
I’m as free as the sea, vast & varied, with all the stories it carries.
I’m more complex & simple than you ever knew.
I drift in & out of colors, I like to taste each hue.
So, there was this one time, the dean gave me ice cream for going to class. I thought it was the funniest thing because she was rewarding me for doing something I should have already been doing. Ahaha. Same thing, right? BUT the difference is; I didn’t expect anything. ;)
There’s a few that need to be added; those gay ass stars(not the one pictured, but the ones that are red & black), sugar skulls, the majority of unoriginal, meaningless tattoos I see on tattoo blogs & really anytime anyone posts a tattooed woman or man. Most tattoos I see people posting pictures of are retarded as all hell. Put some fucking thought into the things you are decorating your body with! It’s not that hard!! If you’re going to get the most mundane, bullshit tattoo you might as well just not… you look stupid. That is all.
I hate your name because I know things will never be the same.
I wish I could get you out of my head, but I’m cursed with your memory instead.
My only hope is that one day it won’t hurt so much, it’s just the thought of your touch that keeps your heart in my clutch.
I deleted the fuck out of that playlist. I’m kind of sad, but you people better have some good music playing as you scroll through my shit or you’re not doing it right.
I’m back in my hometown (well, what was home off & on for 6 years) & I went to the play at my former high school. My friends did a beautiful job, it was rather long, but I never really mind. It’s always a good experience. Just being there is reason enough to go, THAT is my home.
I had the chance to go to a bon fire in Rampart tonight as well, which probably would have been fun, but it would have been cold as balls. I’m wearing fishnets cause I couldn’t find my tights. No. If I was wearing anything else I would have been all for it, but no. I’m basically covered head to toe except for just above my knee & about 6 in. above it, but I’m wearing a skirt.. so just no. Haha.
I’m perfectly content coming home to my warm house, sitting by the fire, eating sweets, watching netflix (which I never do cause I don’t have internet. Haha), & painting my nails. Sounds good to me.
I’m done looking at you as a perfect being when you’re just as flawed as everyone else. I’m done blaming myself for my past. I’m done letting this get to me. It’s time to move on. It was time before it started. I never meant anything to you. I was just someone you didn’t want to hurt so you led me on, but you hurt me even so. You cut me deep & have every day since we met. I fell in love with you, or at least that’s what it felt like, but it was all a lie. I deserve better than that. I deserve better than someone who refuses to see me as I am now, who only sees me as I was. I deserve better. I deserve that soul connection. I deserve love. I don’t deserve to be a sham. I don’t think lowly of you, but I don’t see you as highly as I used to. You hurt me, you cut me deep. Goodbye.
Forgive me for not really being on lately. I moved into my new apartment on Monday & we don’t have internet so I use the community computers & you can only be on them for 30 minutes. Haha. I am working on a lot of art projects though, so if you follow me for my art you’ll be getting a lot of new stuff in the near future. Moving out has given me a lot of much needed alone time & my creative juices are flooowin’! Stay tuned, lovely people.
Driver’s License; Check. GED; Check. Moving out of the parents house; Check. Finally getting my life together; Awwwwwh yeeeeah!